Men and Dogs

A friend recently sent me one of those things that circles the globe on the Internet every day: "Why Some Men Have Dogs and Not Wives." I'm sometimes misunderstood when I forward things like that piece—it's obviously gender-biased, stereotypical, and probably distinctly Southern and therefore likely to offend. But I liked if for two reasons: First, it's creative. I would love to have the writing chops to think and write so creatively. And second, it made me laugh—because, as they say, the reason we laugh at some kinds of humor is because we know there's a kernel of truth lurking within. This piece qualified in both ways.

But I still didn't post it.

I decided to today because of a news video I saw about a beautiful dog whose owner was killed five and one-half months before—and how the dog waits every day on a country road for his owner to return. That kind of loyalty belongs on the list below except it's too serious. Most men probably long to share life with someone who will be excited when they return home—and wait loyally for them should they not appear. I know I do—which is why someday I'll have a dog (for starters) when I can give it the life it deserves. (Whatever happened to loyalty anyway? The most important theological concept in the Old Testament—loyalty—Hebrew hesed—is rarely mentioned these days and maybe even less practiced. Maybe because loyalty is so hard, which is why it's so valued when found; why news videos are made about it. And why we bipeds ought to take a lesson from our quadruped pals.)

The original list is below (less appealing than the original which had pictures) and the news video I mentioned can be seen here.

Why Some Men Have Dogs and Not Wives

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog’s parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died, would you get another dog?”

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just think it’s interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.